Fake News: John McCain Harps on Comey Confusion

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Sources close to Senator John McCain tell us that since his recent questioning of former FBI director James Comey, the Arizona lawmaker has become increasingly agitated and has exhibited bizarre behavior.

"John doesn't get why people didn't understand his line of questioning" says a Capitol Hill aide. "He just walks up to strangers and starts ranting about the Senate hearing. As if they have any idea what he's talking about". Senator McCain visited a Mexican restaurant late Monday and after receiving his meal, demanded that a waiter sit down to have a "man to man" talk with him. The waiter, clearly awe-struck, was then subjected to a 5-minute tirade about James Comey and obstruction of justice. Finally, the waiter nervously excused himself to go help a customer.

A guest at the restaurant who was present for the incident had this to say: "McCain had hot sauce all over his face. I don't know how he didn't feel it. But it was embarrassing to watch the waiter try to listen to him go on and on like that... With sauce dripping down his face like a child. Who needs that much hot sauce? I think he just likes to waste things!”

The next morning, Senator McCain was spotted talking with a homeless man who was panhandling at the entrance to a Metro station.

"John walks up to him and you can see the smile on the man's face. He obviously thought John was going to give him money. Nope. He began going line by line into the Comey questioning.” A McCain aide tells us the Senator was ranting and offered to hold the sign for the homeless man if he would just listen to him for two minutes. The panhandler was obviously confused as to what John was talking about. As if the scene weren't outrageous enough, McCain had odd orange marks all over his face, presumably from his hot sauce binge the night before. Cars rolled by with drivers shouting obscenities at what appeared to be a U.S. Senator asking for money.

"How much money do you need John?" One driver yelled. McCain approached another driver and asked him to listen to his Comey rant. The driver claimed McCain was nearly unintelligible while rattling details of multiple FBI investigations, working himself into a frenzy.

"It's called psychology, you rat!” McCain screamed. “Confusion is a tactic I learned in the military! I won!" The driver was calm and inquisitive, says the source. "After listening to McCain vent, he paused and asked him 'what's on your face?'". McCain puffed his chest out and whispers, "America". Sources say he made no effort to clean his face and went on committee meetings, wondering why people were staring at him all day. When someone bluntly told him to look in the mirror, he became furious and put the blame on his staff. Sources close to McCain tell us he has now adopted a more mild diet due to pressure from his staff.

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